The Effects of Divorce on Children

The Effects of Divorce on Children

Divorce tends to be stressful for everyone involved. Even the most amicable separation usually involves changes in living arrangements and complex emotions. Unfortunately, this process is stressful for children as well.

The effects of divorce on children vary greatly. Everything from the age of your child to their personality will play a significant role in how they handle this time of transition. The ways you help your child during a divorce have a major impact on how they handle the immediate scenario and any lingering emotions.

We’ll help you better understand the ways children react to divorce and how child custody disputes affect children:

• Common Ways Children React to Divorce and How You Can Help
• Child Custody Disputes and the Impact on Your Child
• Effects of Divorce on Children FAQ

Common Ways Children React to Divorce and How You Can Help

Children’s reactions to stressful situations don’t always follow the same logic as adults, and the effects of divorce on children can vary widely. Some of the most typical ways that children react to divorce include:

• Anger: Anger is a common reaction for children of all ages. Young children (three to five years old) may throw more frequent tantrums. A grade schooler or high schooler might act out at school or get in fights. If your child reacts angrily, it’s important to find a productive use for that anger, like a creative pursuit or physical activity.
• Confusion: The younger a child is, the less likely they are to understand the reasons why a divorce is happening and the reality of what divorce means. Patiently explaining the situation to the child and answering their questions can help immensely.
• Sadness: Children, particularly young ones, thrive on consistency. A sudden, large-scale change, like divorce, can result in a deep sadness. Speak to your child and remind them of the ways their life won’t change to help them deal with these emotions.
• Apathy: Apathetic responses are more common in teenage children, and are typically an attempt to distance themselves from strong emotions. If your child displays signs of apathy, work to stay involved in their life, and consider scheduling an appointment with a family therapist.
• Delinquent behavior: These behaviors are usually the result of anger and sadness. Helping your child deal with these emotions more productively through creative arts, therapy, or other activities can curb these behaviors.

Remember, while you can’t stop your child from having negative emotions regarding a separation, you can help shepherd them through this difficult time. It’s crucial to listen to your child, understand their emotions, and help them feel loved and cared for when their whole world is in flux. This is especially true of divorces involving a custody dispute.

Child Custody Disputes and the Impact on Your Child

Child custody disputes tend to make the already stressful process of divorce even more difficult for children. Unlike a standard divorce where the parents come to some sort of agreement determining custody, a custody battle tends to be contentious, drawn out, and hard for children to understand.

In this situation, the child may not have access to both parents, which can feel lonely and alienating. This can exacerbate the typical effects of divorce on children, leading to issues such as:

• Decreased confidence: Younger children can have an especially fragile sense of self. Their understanding of the world constantly shifts, so pillars of consistency, like their parents and their home, are critical. Changing these circumstances can alter their overall understanding of themselves and the people important to them. If at all possible, it’s recommended to maintain as much of their routine as you can so that they still have stability in their lives.
• Stunted emotional and communication skills: Children build emotional and communication skills through practice, and that practice usually comes from speaking with and observing their parents. Custody battles are time-consuming and often contentious, which can limit the time you have available for your child. Spend as much time with them as possible to continue positive emotional and communication growth.

Effects of Divorce on Children FAQ

At what age is a child most affected by divorce?

The effects of divorce on children tend to be the strongest for children around 10 to 12 years old.

These ages are particularly difficult because the child is old enough to understand the lasting effects of divorce, but not emotionally mature enough to avoid taking it personally. Children in this age group often view divorce as a personal attack on them, rather than an unresolvable difference between two adults.

Some common, immediate reactions that grade school-aged children have toward divorce include:

• Physical stress reactions (frequent stomach aches, headaches, etc.)
• Behavioral issues (conflicts in school, poor academic performance, etc.)
• Depression and anxiety
• Blaming one parent over the other
• Believing they can save the marriage

If you have a child close to this age and are going through a divorce, there are techniques you can use to minimize the impact on them. Some of the most effective methods for helping your child include:

• Working with a child psychologist who specializes in divorce
• If possible, sitting down with your ex-partner and talking about the divorce with the child
• Allowing your child to voice their concerns and emotions about the divorce
• Giving them age-appropriate books about divorce
• Encouraging them to express their feelings creatively through art, writing, or even crafts

Ultimately, your child will experience difficult emotions regardless of how well the divorce is handled. It’s important to remember that this is completely normal and that the effects of divorce on children can take time to fully manifest themselves. During discussions, always try to understand where your child is coming from, and avoid venting your negative emotions to them. If you handle this situation with care and patience, your child will hopefully move past this difficult time, readjust, and be back to their usual self.

Contact Envision Family Law for Expert Legal Assistance

We know that any divorce or separation is difficult. That’s why we’re here to take care of the complex legal aspects of separation while you take time for yourself and your children.

Envision Family Law’s staff of attorneys, which has been recognized by Attorney and Practice Magazine, the American Institute of Family Law Attorneys, and other organizations as one of the best in the region, takes great care in getting to know you and your specific situation. We do this to better support you and to make our advice to you clear and easy to follow.

Our experienced attorneys will advocate for you, reducing the amount of time you need to spend in the weeds of the legal process. Using this reclaimed time, you can help navigate the effects of divorce on your child. We also offer emergency custody services for urgent situations.

Contact one of our California locations in Long Beach or Riverside to learn more about how we can help you navigate your divorce.