Helping your kids with their feelings about your California divorce

Helping your kids with their feelings about your California divorce

Children suffer during acrimonious divorces just as much as they would suffer during conflict-high marriages. It can be a major challenge for a child to watch their parents’ divorce, but as the parent, you want to find a way to make that process easier on them.

Here are a few steps to do that:

Keep it civil at home

While the ultimate outcome for who will get the house will be complex negotiation, the kids will be here, and the home is still a hub for family interaction. And it needs to stay peaceful.

You should endeavor to keep all of the conflicts away from the kids. The disputes and discussions should stay with your attorneys and in the courtroom. Trying to recruit your kids into the fight, or even just keeping them informed of it, is going to hurt them more in the long run.

It’s not really about them.

If your children are determined to be involved in some way with the divorce, the best way to explain what’s happening is that it is not about them. Your children need to understand that they are not a factor in the divorce. Yes, it affects them, but it is not about them in any way.

Make time to be with them.

Children may feel like they’ve been put on the back burner during a divorce. And it is true, much of your attention will be with the upheaval ahead of you, but you cannot lose sight of your children. You need to find ways to remind them how much they matter to you.

Plan day trips or vacations. Maybe just go shopping with them. Find the moments that make an impression and fight for them.

Work towards a good co-parenting relationship.

Just because you no longer can continue with the marriage, doesn’t mean you can’t still work with your ex. Good coparents can often be a massive benefit to a child’s life. Frankly, people who don’t have romantic feelings for each other may be able to communicate more clearly about issues regarding the child.