When parents decide to divorce, children often feel their world spinning out of control. Your child didn’t choose this major life change, but that doesn’t mean they must feel powerless throughout the process. You can help your children find appropriate ways to feel more in control, stable and secure.
Child preference in custody decisions
In Washington state, courts don’t automatically let children choose which parent they will live with. Judges consider many factors when determining custody arrangements, with the child’s best interests being the most important.
However, as children get older, their preferences may carry more weight – especially the wishes of children who:
- Are mature enough to express reasonable preferences
- Can articulate clear reasons for their choice
While a child’s opinion matters, judges balance it with other factors to decide what is in the child’s best interest, above all else.
Creating choices that empower kids
Even when major decisions aren’t up to your children, you can still give them control in age-appropriate ways:
- Let them choose decorations for their bedrooms in each home
- Ask for their input on weekly meal planning
- Allow them to pick activities for family time
- Involve them in creating new family traditions
Encouraging these choices can make children feel more invested in their new environment and reduce feelings of helplessness.
Building stability during change
Children thrive on consistency, especially during significant life transitions. When parents maintain stable routines and resolve conflicts peacefully, children feel more secure.
You can create stability by:
- Keeping daily routines consistent between homes
- Maintaining regular school and activity schedules
- Communicating clearly about transitions between homes
- Showing respect when speaking about your co-parent
Show your kids that even though things are changing, some things will stay the same.
Moving forward together
While your children can’t control the fact that you are divorcing, they don’t have to feel helpless. By involving them appropriately in decisions, maintaining stability and creating a peaceful co-parenting relationship, you help them develop resilience.
How you handle this transition teaches your children essential life skills. Empowering them with age-appropriate choices and maintaining consistency shows them they still matter and helps them adjust to their new family structure with confidence.