Gearing up for California divorce proceedings with a narcissist

Gearing up for California divorce proceedings with a narcissist

It’s difficult for the average person to understand how stressful it is to live with a narcissist. If you’re one of many California spouses who have endured the emotional and mental strain that a narcissistic partner can cause in a marriage, you have probably hesitated to talk about your ordeal with anyone other than a trusted confidant. Narcissists thrive on making life miserable for everyone around them. If you’ve recently filed for divorce, keep in mind that your spouse’s narcissistic tendencies are likely going to cause challenges during legal proceedings.

If you have children, child custody issues may be difficult to resolve with a narcissist. This type of person often tries to gain the upper hand by manipulating their children’s emotions to try to turn them against the other parent. To achieve a fair agreement, you’ll need to always be on your toes, making sure you understand state laws and know how to protect your parental rights.

Narcissists often use gaslighting in a divorce

Narcissists are obsessed with the need to control everything and everyone around them. They often use gaslighting tactics to accomplish their goals. Especially in a child custody case, your goal is to present yourself as a calm, confident person and capable parent who has your children’s best interests in mind. If you take the bait and give into your ex’s gaslighting, things can get messy in court. Be alert and resist these gaslighting attempts:

• Blame shifting or making false accusations
• Provoking you to anger by calling you crazy
• Making you doubt yourself by questioning your memory
• Using intentional vagueness to avoid answering important questions
• Twisting the truth
• Using your own words against you

In the moment, it can be difficult to resist the temptation to engage with a narcissist or to feel a strong need to defend yourself. More often, however, this will only make matters worse.

Stay calm, gather facts and evidence, and state your case

Difficult as it might be, you must ignore all attempts your ex might make to gaslight you during divorce proceedings. The easiest way to do that might be to let an experienced child custody attorney do all the talking for you in court. This enables you to keep your emotions in check and stay calm, which is the key to beating a narcissist at their own game.

It is critical to arm yourself with every document, fact or piece of evidence you need to win the court’s favor in a California child custody and divorce case against a narcissist. Remember your goals and be proactive to protect your parental rights and your children’s best interests.