Deciding on whether or not to divorce and when to file are tough decisions. And they are decisions that need to take into account your unique situation, your readiness, and your finances, to name a few factors.
This article will explore the question: When is it time to divorce my spouse? We’ll go over factors that may mean your marriage is ending, and tips for deciding whether to stay. We’ll also answer common questions and discuss how a family attorney can help.
The reality is that no one but you and your spouse can decide when it’s time to end the marriage and file for a divorce.
If you’re experiencing abuse of any kind, it’s definitely time to do something to protect yourself and your children. If the situation is more about general discontent and growing apart, many people try counseling and other measures before escalating to divorce.
12 Signs It Might Be Time for a Divorce
No two marriages are exactly the same. Still, certain things often indicate issues that are serious enough to lead to ending your marriage and help determine when is it time to divorce.
If you are experiencing just one of the signs we’re about to discuss, it doesn’t necessarily mean divorce is imminent. But it’s still a good reason to seek counseling or other support. And if you’re seeing several of these signs in your marriage, divorce might be unavoidable.
1. Minimal Communication
Married people communicate in a variety of ways, from talking and touching to texting and even arguing. Communicating about daily life, plans for the future, important news, and points of disagreement are part of sharing life. When there’s little to no communication–happy or otherwise–it’s a red flag.
2. Feeling Disconnected
If you can no longer enjoy the present or dream of the future with your spouse, it suggests that you don’t feel connected to them. While you can certainly work to rekindle a sense of connection, forcing it means something more is going on.
3. Wanting Different Things
Sometimes couples don’t discuss much of what they want out of life before getting married. Or, they might change down the road and “outgrow” one another, so to speak. If you and your spouse can’t align on life paths and goals (such as where to live, whether to have kids, and what religion to observe), it could mean the marriage won’t last.
4. Lack of Intimacy
Intimacy means sharing both the physical and emotional parts of yourself. If one or both is missing, and not because of a temporary or medical issue, you should explore why. It may be a red flag, especially alongside other things in this list.
5. Not Thinking in “We”
Married people are, in many ways, a unit. They solve problems and make plans together. In a healthy marriage, the individuals are important, but both parties want to support the partnership, the “we.” Thinking primarily in “I” and “me” can be an issue.
6. Abuse
Physical, emotional, sexual, financial, or any other type of domestic abuse is not okay. If you are concerned for the safety of you or your children, considering divorce is the first step to a better life.
7. Bad Outweighs Good
Every marriage goes through ups and downs, but the idea is to have more ups than downs. If you feel like most interactions with your spouse are negative, it could be time to consider a marriage counselor.
8. Staying Together for Kids or Finances
When you got married, it was likely because you wanted to be with the other person. You didn’t marry their money or your future children, and neither of those things are at the core of the partnership. In fact, children are often happier after their parents separate if there’s been a lot of fighting in the home.
9. No Trust or Respect
A true partnership requires trust and respect. Both are important for maintaining individuality within a loving partnership. If trust and respect don’t go both ways, the individuals aren’t valued as they should be, the marriage can’t flourish and it is probably time to file for a divorce.
10. Financial Imbalances
Money is often a source of conflict in a marriage. If the balance of income and expenses is off, it’s going to impact everything else. Money problems put a lot of pressure on couples, research says, and are a leading cause of divorce in the U.S.
11. One-Sided Effort
If you know there are issues in the marriage, but only one partner makes efforts to heal them, it signals a lack of interest in the marriage itself. If you’ve tried everything to get them to take on more effort but it’s not working, it’s understandable to think about parting ways.
12. Researching or Making Plans to Divorce
Once someone starts researching getting divorced, asking friends or family about when is it time to divorce, or making plans to file, it’s a pretty sure sign they’re no longer dedicated to making things work. If you’ve learned that your spouse is doing this, it’s time to have a discussion.
What Is the Best Time of Year to File for a Divorce?
Deciding to file for divorce is difficult no matter the time of year, but a study by sociologists at the University of Washington shows that divorce filings were highest in March and August – shortly after the major winter and summer holidays.
The study compiled divorce filing records for 15 years, and peak filing times were the same for every year studied.
For most couples and families, even those dealing with difficult marital relationships, the times of year that are traditionally considered “family times” seem off limits when it comes to filing for divorce.
During the summer months, kids are out of school, and many take family vacations. Likewise, in the winter months, families celebrate religious holidays as well as winter breaks. Due to these family traditions, it is almost unthinkable to even consider filing for divorce.
The study also found that even unhappy couples tend to have high expectations associated with these holidays. Many feel that being together as a family will give them the time to mend their relationships and that a family vacation is an opportunity to start over.
Unfortunately, for many couples, the high expectations are left unmet once the holiday is over. Instead, the holidays bring with them emotions or stress that can lead to intensified disagreements. This, in turn, leads to a higher divorce rate after the holidays as this disappointment sets in.
The decision to file for divorce is rarely an easy one, even if you know it is right. It makes sense that when deciding to do so, the feelings and expectations of other family members, especially children, need to be considered.
If you are trying to determine when the best time is for you to file for divorce, it is always best to contact a professional for assistance. A divorce attorney can help you through this emotional time with advice and guidance.
FAQs About Filing for a Divorce
We’ve gathered some frequently asked questions about divorce, when is it time to divorce, and how to decide what’s best for your family.
At what age do most couples divorce?
The average age for divorce has increased in recent decades and varies according to a range of factors. While the average for first-time divorces is around 30 years old, the overall average age for divorce is mid-40s.
Is it better to divorce or stay unhappily married?
Being unhappily married is never ideal. But divorce is not the only option for unhappy couples. Before that point, you may try individual therapy, couples counseling, and other things to reconnect.
It’s important to understand that it’s natural for marriages to change over time. The things you enjoyed together in your 20s are likely to evolve as you age and perhaps have children, change careers, move, and make new friends. Partners who can’t accept a certain amount of change will have a much harder time maintaining a happy marriage.
Some couples do a trial separation before escalating to divorce. This gives both parties a chance to live on their own, do some introspection, and see if they truly want to end the marriage.
If nothing you try leads to a fulfilling marriage, divorce may be the right choice.
What is the number one cause of divorce?
Nearly 75% of divorces are due to “lack of commitment.” This doesn’t necessarily mean the parties were never committed in the first place and didn’t try. It has more to do with not realizing what it really means to share a life with someone, or dealing with unforeseen changes that alter the relationship.
The second most common cause of divorce is infidelity.
What is walkaway wife syndrome?
A walkaway wife is a woman who leaves her marriage after an extended period of feeling lonely and neglected. Typically, it refers to a woman who’s been married to a man. The walkaway wife wasn’t necessarily abused or cheated on; rather, she wasn’t getting the attention and support she needed from her husband, and gave up on trying to change things.
Walkaway wife syndrome is more likely than walkaway husband syndrome, as most divorces are initiated by women.
How long does divorce usually take?
There’s no way to predict how long any one divorce will take to be finalized, but it will most likely take six months or so to gather information and go through all the formalities. If one of the parties contests the divorce, or you face complex arrangements for children or finances, it could take longer, especially if the case goes to trial.
When Is It Time to Divorce? Envision Family Law Can Advise When to File for a Divorce
If you’re experiencing one or more of the common indicators for divorce in your marriage, it might be time to talk to a family attorney about what to know before you file for a divorce. Even if you haven’t discussed separation with your spouse, understanding your legal situation beforehand is in your best interest.
Our family law and divorce attorneys will help you navigate these decisions and transitions. If divorce seems to be the best option, we’ll talk about what times and terms are best for doing so. We’ll also prioritize the wellbeing of your children, assets, and finances.
Although your family law attorney might not know you personally, they can certainly look at your overall situation and guide you through the decision-making process.
Beyond that, an attorney understands state law and how it will impact your divorce. If you’ll need to make arrangements for child custody and child support, they can help with that as well.
To get started with an initial consultation, please call or text (888) 211-7814 or fill in the simple contact form on our website. We’ll be happy to start working with you today!