When you are helping your children adapt to a new lifestyle that includes a child custody plan, it’s best to try to minimize stress and disruption in their daily lives, as much as possible. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Even Washington parents, whose marriages remain intact, encounter times when they disagree with their spouse. In a divorce, however, parental conflict can make coping with life changes more difficult for kids.
The less parental conflict your children are exposed to during and after your divorce, the better. So, how can you avoid it, especially if you and your ex do not get along or have differences of opinion regarding child-related issues? There are several key factors to keep in mind that can help maintain peace between co-parents.
It is better to seek clarification than to assume in a divorce
When you are navigating the first few months of co-parenting after divorce, you and your ex will no doubt have to discuss many issues that arise, as you are working through obstacles and developing a smooth routine. It’s easy to assume that you know or understand certain things. If there’s any doubt or confusion in your mind, however, it helps to avoid conflict if you ask for clarification.
Try not to drag past marital problems into your divorce
If your children witness you and their other parent working together as a team to discuss and resolve child custody issues, they may be better able to cope with your divorce. Whatever happened between you and your ex during marriage is now in the past. Try to focus on the exact issues at hand, rather than allowing your emotions over past marital problems to interfere with your ability to peacefully co-parent with your former partner.
Correspond in a way that helps you stay calm
If you know that, every time you meet with your ex to discuss your children, you argue, then perhaps it would be better to limit your in-person interactions. There’s no law stating that you must meet face-to-face to talk about family matters. To avoid parental conflict, you can choose to text each other or use email or a phone conversation instead of being in the same room together.
Agree, from the start, to focus on the children’s best interests
You and your ex may no longer want to share life as a married couple, but that doesn’t mean that you do not love your children. Understanding that each of you still loves and wants to take care of your kids can lay the groundwork for non-confrontational co-parenting. When you agree to make your children’s best interests the central focus of all divorce proceedings and later discussions, you may be able to avoid conflict and resolve problems in an amicable fashion.