Co-parenting with someone with whom you cannot work with under any circumstances is very difficult. The internet is full of highly toxic co-parenting stories, but that does not necessarily have to be the outcome for you and your family. In fact, there are co-parents across Washington who have a great working relationship. Here are some ideas that may help you get there:
The relationship is over; this is something new.
Your marriage or long-term relationship ended for a reason—probably more than one reason. But that’s the past; it may be time to put that piece of your relationship behind you so you can focus on co-parenting. This means not rehashing old arguments and not feeling slighted by familiar unmet expectations. You may not be together anymore, but you are still partners when it comes to your children.
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Set up communication guidelines.
Communication is a key to success for every partnership, so you need to set up the best ways to keep in touch. There can be one channel for regular contacts and another for emergency changes. You can even set up a specific way to discuss what will be difficult conversations. Communicating effectively is the goal, and if you prioritize that, everyone involved will be better off—most importantly the children.
Cover challenges early.
Much like building a good communication strategy for hard conversations, you can also look ahead at your calendar and anticipate difficult conversations that you must have. This can include:
- Moves
- New romantic partners
- Changing financial needs
- Discipline concerns for the children
A hard conversation becomes more difficult when the deadline is right around the corner. Starting early gives you and your co-parent time to plan and removes a lot of stress.
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Remember what the goal is
The goal is always to do what’s best for your children. That’s the state’s goal. That should be your goal. It is going to be difficult. There are no two ways to do it, and co-parenting is hard. But putting the health and happiness of your kids first makes a real difference.
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