Holidays can be stressful enough on their own, and after divorce, they can be even more overwhelming.
The stress of scheduling your children(s) time with family during these important days can be a lot to handle; one way to reduce this stress is to have an effective holiday parenting plan in place.
A structured plan not only relieves tension for you, but also alleviates the stress your child experiences as well.
Regardless of the state of your relationship with your ex spouse, holidays are a time of year to put your children first to ensure they make happy holiday memories.
This article will dig into family holiday schedules post-divorce, how to make them, and how to enforce them.
Understanding Post-Divorce Holiday Visitation Schedules
Anyone who celebrates holidays does some sort of planning. For families adjusting to separation or divorce, a whole other level of organization comes into play.
Before you dive in, be prepared for a relatively emotional experience with holiday visitation schedules. When times that were previously spent all together change (and not for happy reasons), it can bring up a lot of emotions.
Knowing this in advance, and discussing it with your children, can make the transition easier for everyone.
Defining Holiday Visitation Schedules
Holiday visitation schedules are agreements between separated or divorced parents that outline when each of them will have custody of their children during the holidays.
This is different from the general custody agreement for daily and weekly schedules. Of course, you could apply your regular schedule to the holidays, simply treating them like any other day.
This could work fine for families who don’t generally observe holidays. But for those who do, a customized schedule tends to be preferred.
Typically, holiday visitation schedules are included as part of a parenting plan that’s approved by the court. Once agreed upon, the holiday schedule is as official as the general custody agreement.
Types of Holiday Schedules
Holiday visitation schedules can be either rotating, fixed or split.
- Rotating: Alternates which parent has custody on each holiday, one parent getting even years and the other getting odd years.
- Fixed: Assigns specific holidays to each parent based on which holidays they want most.
- Split: Divides the holiday into two parts so kids see each parent on the day itself.
You could also opt to schedule a second celebration for major holidays. For example, if your families both really love Thanksgiving, you could schedule a “makeup Thanksgiving” before or after the official holiday for the other parent.
If you and your ex-spouse are on good terms and it does not increase conflict, you may consider spending the holidays together. This would alleviate the stress on the children of traveling between the two families.
However, this works only if you and your spouse are highly cooperative and have a strong relationship when it comes to co-parenting your children.
How to Choose the Best Holiday Visitation Schedule
When planning a holiday visitation schedule, first consider the child’s needs.
Where would they enjoy certain holidays most? How much time will they spend commuting between locations? Do their relationships with their parents change where they’d want to spend the holidays?
You’ll also want to consider parents’ schedules, school and community events and extended family plans. If the parents live far from each other, a fixed schedule might be optimal, while a rotating schedule might work alright if they live nearby.
If you settle on a schedule, and after a year feel that it’s not working for your family, talk to your child’s other parent. If they also feel things aren’t working, you can talk to the courts together to come to a new agreement.
If you and your co-parent aren’t on the same page, you may need to bring a third party into the discussion.
Factors to Consider in Creating a Holiday Visitation Schedule
When creating a holiday visitation schedule, take several factors into consideration, including:
- Age of the child: Younger children might struggle to adjust to a rotating holiday schedule. Older children may prefer a more flexible schedule.
- Distance between parents’ homes: If the parents live far away from each other, it may be harder to create a rotating holiday schedule.
- Both parents’ work schedules: If one parent has a job requiring them to work holidays, a fixed holiday schedule may be necessary.
- Religious beliefs and traditions: If either parent holds strong religious beliefs or traditions, take that into account. For example, if one parent celebrates Christmas while the other one celebrates Hanukkah, develop a schedule that allows both parents to celebrate with the child.
- Child’s special needs: If the child has special needs, such as medical appointments or therapy sessions, prioritize these when creating the schedule.
Other Special Days to Schedule
In addition to the official major holidays, think about days that are special to your families and children. Some examples include:
- Childrens’ birthdays
- Parents’ birthdays
- School holidays
- Religious and community events
- Summer vacation
- Family traditions
Bigger school breaks, like spring break and summer vacation, are often split evenly between the parents, or at least as close to even as possible.
If you have questions or concerns regarding the type of holiday visitation schedule that’s best for your family, talk to an experienced family law attorney. They’ll be able to offer accurate, compassionate insight.
Creating Your Holiday Visitation Schedule
Communication and cooperation are key when creating a holiday visitation schedule. What works for one family won’t necessarily work for another, but openness and honesty are always the way to go.
Both parents should focus on the same goal: Create a schedule that works for everyone. Listen to one another’s concerns and be willing to compromise for a fair and workable schedule. Communicate regularly.
Bear the following tips in mind:
- Start early: Creating the holiday visitation schedule well in advance ensures that both parents have enough time to make arrangements.
- Be flexible: It is important to be flexible when creating the schedule, especially if there are factors that are beyond your control.
- Consider the child’s needs: The schedule should prioritize your children’s needs, in this case a happy and stress-free holiday.
- Be consistent: Once the schedule is created, stick to it. Both parents should be committed to following the schedule to promote respect and fairness.
An effective parenting plan for the holidays is a great start. But you should also be prepared to change plans.
You or your ex-spouse may have to do last-minute shopping or planning, for instance, requiring an unexpected custody exchange.
During this time, it is important for both of you to remain flexible and understanding to better care for your children.
Sample Holiday Visitation Schedule
If you’re having a hard time determining how to arrange the holidays with your children and ex spouse, some child custody holiday schedule examples might help.
While it would be impossible to include every holiday, we’ve listed select major ones here, just for a sense of the possible schedules:
- New Year’s Eve and Day: One parent gets New Year’s Eve and the child goes to the other parent in the morning for New Year’s Day. You could switch who gets which day each year.
- Easter, Passover, or Ramadan: These holidays are firmly tied to religious practices. If the parents observe the same holidays, consider an alternating schedule for Easter (every other year for each parent). Because Passover and Ramadan happen over several days, you have the option to split the time every year.
- Halloween: This would work best as a rotating holiday where each parent gets every other year. However, if one parent loves the day and the other doesn’t care, it might be a holiday that always goes to one parent.
- Thanksgiving: This would work best as a rotating holiday where each parent gets every other year. You could also schedule a “make up” Thanksgiving the day after.
- Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa: As with New Year’s, Christmas Eve and Day could be divided evenly between the two parents. Hanukkah and Kwanzaa, like Passover and Ramadan, happen over more extended periods and are best divided according to family events and general visitation schedules.
Beyond the major holidays are school breaks, minor holidays and holidays specific to the United States:
- Spring Break: One parent has the kids from their release from the last day of school until a specific time in the middle of break, perhaps Wednesday morning at 10 a.m. Then the other parent has them until school resumes the following Monday. Remember that Spring break often includes Easter (for those who celebrate). You could alternate who takes the first and second halves of the breaks every year to ensure equal time.
- Mother’s Day and Father’s Day: For children with both a mother and a father, this one is pretty easy. However, things are more complicated for gay or lesbian couples who’ve divorced. Splitting the days in half each year, or alternating so each parent gets every other year, might be best.
- Memorial Day, July 4th, and Labor Day: Because these holidays punctuate the summer season, it may depend on how closely the parents live. While Memorial Day and Labor Day aren’t generally as significant as, say, Christmas, they might involve specific family traditions.
Enforcing the Holiday Visitation Schedule
Sticking to the holiday visitation schedule is a must for several reasons. First, it respects everyone’s needs. Second, it helps reduce conflict between the parents. Third, it prioritizes the child’s happy and stress-free holiday season.
If one parent misses visitation time, reschedule as soon as possible. If a dispute arises, try one of several options for resolving the dispute, including:
- Mediation: A neutral third party will help the parents reach an agreement.
- Court: If mediation doesn’t work, the parents may take the issue to court to be resolved by a judge.
- Modification of the schedule: If the dispute is ongoing, it may be necessary to modify the schedule. Even without conflict, modifications are necessary now and then, such as when work schedules change.
Both parents should be open to professional guidance and modifications and collaborate civilly to create a new schedule if necessary.
The Role of a Family Law Attorney in Creating a Holiday Visitation Schedule
A family law attorney can be a valuable resource when creating a holiday visitation schedule.
An attorney can help you understand your legal rights and responsibilities and provide guidance on creating a schedule that meets the needs of everyone involved. An attorney can also help you modify the schedule if necessary.
Beyond that, family law attorneys are well acquainted with the state laws and regulations on child custody. They maintain networks for advice and input, and save you a great deal of time and energy with their legal guidance.
When selecting a lawyer, look for someone who clearly puts your family and children first in developing agreements and court orders.
An experienced attorney understands that these are sensitive and difficult transitions for everyone involved, and should approach you with compassion and a listening ear.
Envision Family Law Can Help with a Holiday Schedule for Custody Arrangements
Holidays might be one of the harder things to arrange after a divorce, and they may be harder in the first few years as you all adjust.
This is exactly why getting a schedule set is so vital. It provides your child with predictability, and demonstrates that you care how they spend special times.
When creating a holiday visitation schedule, consider your child’s needs, both parents’ schedules, and any other factors that may impact the schedule.
Communication and cooperation are key, and both parents should be committed to following the schedule.
We always recommend getting started on the holiday visitation schedule sooner rather than later, allowing yourselves plenty of time to plan these memorable days.
At the same time, we recognize that the process is difficult, and we’re ready to lend a hand.
Contact Envision Family Law Today
At Envision Family Law, we have decades of experience with all things related to child custody law, including holiday and other special family schedules.
Let us put decades of experience to work for you. While your routines and traditions may be changing, our commitment to your family is unwavering. You’ll see how much we care for our community when you partner with us on a family law case.
For advice on handling child custody arrangements, call or text (888) 211-7814. You can also contact an attorney experienced in family law with the easy form on our website.
We look forward to working with you!